On Sunday I woke up bright and early and made the hour-or-so drive to my mom’s place. I arrived while she was still sleeping, quietly made myself some tea and breakfast, then got to work. My mission: to sift through the five 18-gallon buckets and two 30-gallon buckets containing all the various remnants of my childhood and get rid of what I no longer needed.
This wasn’t my first time taking on this task. There have been several attempts over the last 14 years since we moved from California to condense the mass of accumulating goods. However it’s always been difficult because I still felt so attached to all the things. But this time was different. This time I was ready to spend an entire day purging all the useless nonsense, to pass the useful things on to those who would like them, and to finally be rid of the burden.
If most of it was “useless nonsense” why had we carried around for over a decade? because it’s hard to let go. it’s hard to take something that is a piece of your past, a piece of yourself, and say “sorry, I’ll no longer be needing you”. each of these things tells a story about who I am… or at least who I was. and that is an important distinction to make.
Yes, I’m still Casey. but I no longer am a lover of tweety bird and Lisa Frank stickers. I no longer need glittery gel pens and miniature hair brushes and ten thousand stuffed animals.
but I did keep the important bits, the things dear to my heart - the very specialest of stuffed animals, notebooks with my early creative writings and imaginings, letters from my grandma, and a jewelry box made by my great grandpa. I also came across my 5th grade yearbook, which was quite interesting to read:
I think it’s good to remember your past. but not to hold on to it desperately. if you don’t let old things go, how are you going to allow new experiences into your life?
this year, I am working on being the person I want to be. this is going to involve pruning of old habits and things that no longer make sense to hold on to. because at some point, you have to let go of all the little bits of your past, the little bits of “you” that no longer represent who you are.